Is a Step Mom a Real Mom?

Is a Step-Mom a Real Mom? To be honest I say YES! And if you feel you aren't and you are a stepmom then you have to STEP it up! In my early twenties, I had two children. I always wanted more. Four to be exact but my body thought otherwise and they had to tie my tubes. Through a lot of circumstances in my life, I met someone who had two more children after my divorce. These boys also became my whole heart and soul. They became mine as much as their biological parents to me. I loved them and helped them like I did my own. Soon after marriage, they were officially mine too but in reality, I thought they were also my boys before that ever even happened. I was a mother of 4. I was a true Step-Mom. I actually hated that word because it sounds like the wicked step-mom from Cinderella. I would like to be called the "my other mom" is just jives with me better.

So through the years, the four kids ended up being brothers. They thankfully never fought. We were very lucky for sure.  All the kids were treated the same, as same as you can with 4 different personalities. I didn't and still don't see them any different. I would give my life to any of them if need be. These are my children. I know that they each have other parents that are great parents to them but I feel like children can be loved more.

If you are a Stepparent. Please STEP up because that is what it is all about. I have seen far too many step parents treat those children worse. I feel that you are truly hurting that child. Is it their fault the parents are divorced and you are in the picture now....no! So do what's right for the kids. Be there through their birthdays and Graduations and every event and day in between. Be there when they cry or when they have the utmost happiest event in their life. Just BE THERE. That's all you have to do. A child or eventually an adult just needs to know you are there for them and that is what I plan on doing my whole life.

My original two before I was blessed with my next two are soon to have a Step-Mom. I am so thankful for her because she treats my/her kids with grace and helps their father be even a better father. Its those ppl we all should be grateful for. No one wants to say no to more love to their children.

So in ending. To me, I am not a Step-Mom. I am just a Mom to four capable, smart, funny, adventurous children/adults and I will forever love them no matter what happens in life. Its a love that is pure and a love that will never change. I love you boys! You four are my heart! When you look at the pictures you can't tell there are any "steps" in there because they are just brothers!
                                                                                                     Love, Ro

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Parenting Teens

I have four teenagers. Well had four teenagers to be specific. Right now all four of my kids are between the ages of 18-20. I remember very vividly though when I had a 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th grader all at the same time. It was stressful and joyful all at the same time. Here are some of the tips that I think are very important in raising a teenager. Was I perfect all the time? Probably not. I do think though that if you can commit to these it really helps.

Family Time. This is a huge one. With our busy lives and having four teenagers at the same time all in sports or activities, it was hard to have family time. We made it happen though. One huge thing we did was always eat dinner together as a family, not in front of the television. This really helped because we were able to know more of what was going on in their days, what was going on in school and even some tattling on each other (which was beneficial to us sometimes ha). It also helped to connect us all together. As you can imagine our table was pretty full especially if grandma or any of their friends were there for dinner. It would get LOUD sometimes but its something I think my kids will always remember and hopefully do for their families.

Showing Affection. I do this a lot. My teens are pretty affectionate too because of it. We are huggers for sure. I hug all my kids almost daily. I think its good for them. Sometimes because they are like "really mom?" I just hug a little longer till they sigh and just hug back. I think secretly they are happy that someone is loving on them daily. My husband is pretty good about that too. He is more of the wrestler with them but they love that too. We always say I love you to them when they leave the house or before they go to bed. Its important that they know through a huge growing time in their lives that their parents always love them. We do this so much that it doesn't become a problem when they are with their friends because it's so normal to them.

My oldest hugging me

Jackson and Josh Hugging

Speaking of friends. We get to know their friends and family. Might sound strict but they are not allowed at friends houses that we don't know. With it being a small town of 250 people that isn't the hardest thing. IF we feel iffy about their friends then we have them bring them to our house instead of them going to theirs. Might seem a little more to do but definitely better, in the long run, to know what they are up too.

Have rules and consequences. I think you have to be pretty clear about what you expect but also have to be reasonable too. We were pretty relaxed on some things and very strict on others. Our kids knew what we would do vs what we wouldn't do. Like if they wanted a friend to spend the night they weren't allowed to ask us in front of the friend so we can make up our mind without being pushed to do it because their friend was standing there. Our kids weren't allowed to go to parties that had drinking in it. The parent had to be there and it had to be a person who we knew and trusted if they were going to a social gathering. Soon our kids wouldn't even ask because they knew who we trusted or maybe didn't feel comfortable with. Just be clear on what the rules were so its easier on the teenager to know what they can and can't do. We had definite consequences also. For instance, maybe we would say that they couldn't do something and if they did that this or that would happen. We would follow through with it also. So they knew that if they did this or that what they would be having to deal with later.

only these two would pick the smallest pumpkins :)

Having teenagers can be a trying time for sure. Especially when you have four at once. I will say though I was scared of this phase in life. It could be rough at some small increments of it but mainly it went really well. I think that I will miss this phase actually. This was a phase where the teens really speak their mind more. They are so funny at this age. They are learning about themselves and learning about who they are becoming. It's amazing to watch! This definitely was one of my favorite stages of my kids' lives. Now I am watching them grow into adults. They don't have restrictions they had before. All the decisions are theirs to have now. It's nice to see them still showing affection and missing family time. They all have good friends and are seeing now more of WHY we did what we did as they were growing up. This next phase of life is going to be another good one. I can't wait to see.                                                                       Love, Ro

*sometimes I wonder why I wanted more and reading this makes me know why -Lo

Step Mom? Mom!

Hi, Its Ro. As you may already know now I have 4 children. Jackson is now 20, Casey is 19, Joshua is 18 and Jason just turned 18. I am so proud of my children and who they are becoming. What is interesting is if you ever have the chance to meet us as a family you will never know that some of my kids are actually step children (I hate that word). To me though even though they may have other moms or dads but they are all my children in my heart whether I birthed them all or not. When I met my husband I had two children and he had two. All the kids were between the ages of 8-10 years old. I am blessed to have had them all live with us even though they all go and see their other parents on vacations or summers. I have had so many instances where people find out we are a blended family and try to pick who belongs to whom. They usually never get it right. Which deep in my heart makes me happy because you can't tell who belongs to who because they all belong to us. I am glad that all of our children have many parents who love them. I am also glad that I have all four of them. To be honest, I always wanted four children but my body didn't think that was the best for me and I had to get my tubes tied after two. God knew my path well before I did and I ended up with the four that I have now. Its been ten years now as a Step-Mom ( I would rather say Mom, or other mom). I treat all my kids the same. Not once have they ever felt as if I loved one more than the other. Actually they all think that they are my favorite which I love. We are very blessed because they had always gotten along and called each other brothers and sister from the get go. I have heard of many families who are blended having a VERY rough time. We haven't had that as they were growing up and I know to feel very blessed about that. They are very protective of each other and definitely don't see each other as steps either. I think it helped that they started out as friends first and were all very close in age. All four of them are within 2 years of each other but according to their birthdays ended up a year apart in school which helped out also. I love my children. Although they are all technically adults now I will always love my babies. I am so blessed to be able to spread my love and to be there for them all. Thank you Lord for seeing my future before I did! Not being biologically related to a child doesn't make you any less of a parent. Being a real parent isn't in the DNA its in the heart.
                                                                     Love, Ro

Adulting

I am 42 years old and still sometimes don't feel like an Adult. I know, I know how can that even be possible since in less than 10 years I am sure I will be a Nana to someone. I tried talking to my kids who are now by law all adults (18,18,19,20) about when I first felt like an adult. Is it weird that I think the first time I really felt like an adult was when we bought our first expensive fridge? I remember telling my husband that we sure are adults by now! I felt like an adult when we got our first deep freezer and it was completely full. Even though it pretty much had to be with four teens. You think that I would feel more like an adult when I had my children. I think I like to feel that I have always had a little bit of child in me. I hope that is how my kids have grown up knowing that although we are strict parents that have their best interest at heart that we also can wrestle and laugh with them at a moments notice. My parents were that way. We knew the rules and how to behave but we definitely could come to them to talk and laugh. I wonder with each of my children what will be the thing that makes them feel more like an adult? For some reason it was having tons of food for all my kids and the items to place them in. That is what did it for me. I guess for someone else it might be buying a new home or even graduating from college and paying their own bills. I just laugh every time I look at that huge fridge with the extra drawers and fridge part on top. That is when I felt like an adult ha! I think its good to have our inner child always be there. To not stuff them far, far away. Its good to be an adult. Adulting can be hard sometimes though so make sure that you always take a step back and let your inner child out too. I am happy to report my inner child is still ageless.
                                                                                           Love, Ro